Drinking all the moisture from the air.. I am so dry..
Let me get a sip of what you want me to say.. I am so thirsty..

Sunday, November 21, 2010

The nut shell I call my life.

So here goes, this is all me in a large hopefully oddly shaped nutshell.
Where do I start.. ok from the beginning, I was born on the 30th of November, 1987.. This could more or less make me the creation of a valentines baby.. Stupid frisky parents.
I live in a house with a maze of rooms with one other person.. Who happens to be my ex girlfriend.. Which makes things quite interesting considering we do try to kill each other at least 7 times a day.
This also makes me gay. I came out to my parents when I was 12yrs old.. It was possibly one of the hardest days of my life. I haven't been very close with my parents, but I knew they were quite open minded.. So I took a hard deep breath called my mum into the kitchen, told her I wanted to tell her something and grabbed my girlfriend and just started kissing her.. After indulging in the kiss my mothers reply was.. "Duh.. we knew from the day you were born".
Thanks mum, you could've given me some sort of we already know you're a homo so hurry up and come out heads up.

So my life growing up was a little all over the place. I have one older brother who is 4 years older then me and I guess my most unforgettable memory of him is the countless times he has hung my favourite teddy from a noose in my bedroom and left it there for me to see on my arrival home from school.
Or the time he hid under my bed whilst I was trying to sleep and me stepping off the bed, him grabbing my ankles and reefing me down whilst a set of drawers cushioned my face on the way down.
Thanks bro for giving me an irrational fear of stepping off beds.

I was born in Gladstone (Happyrock, Gladwrap, Glad2Bstoned, Gladdy, The G rock and so on and so forth) it's a nice place.. Well a nice place to grow up and grow old in, that's what I've always said anyway. When I was quite little we moved to a farm in a small town about 30 minutes from Gladstone called Ambrose. It was tiny. When I say tiny I mean.. very tiny.. Like your neighbors would bring around cookies and be all up in your business and all round nosey. I did however gain some very good friends.. The kind of friends you meet when you're 4 years old and still know and speak to when you're both nearly 23 years old.. it's kind of like a friend marriage.
So I went to this tiny school called Ambrose State School.. It was cute and there was about 30 other kids who went there.. This meaning our classes were basically all connected and we were learning way above our year level. We all actually became child geniuses.. well not really but that would have been exciting. Basically as soon as you hit Year 5 you would leave and go to a larger Primary School so you can learn more.
I didn't want to leave but we had to.. mainly because I had chronic asthma and was on a nebuliser pretty much my whole life there. That sucked huge balls.
I guess the thing I missed most was being in the middle of nowhere and being able to ride motorbikes, tip cows, camp out, chase chickens and jump naked on a trampoline all in my backyard. Those were the days.
So we moved to Gladstone.. My brother and I basically became inseparable and despite the age difference and the fact that I was a girl, we would do everything together.. more like twins..
We'd dress the same, have matching ninja turtle outfits, fight 'crime' together, eat together, sit together and skate together. It was great fun. He then hit highschool and on that day I lost my bestfriend. He never wanted anything to do with me, so I decided being the 8yr old mature adult like I was, to become Miss Independent.
And that I did. I started doing everything for myself and building myself up to the person I have become today.
Even went to all my hockey and judo tournaments alone so I knew I could do it all for myself.
My family wasn't ever really that close.. but we were close enough to know we were a family. It's still funny though that they don't know my first kiss was with the girl who lived down the road.. We were both 10.. or the log down crossing the river in the bush track was where I took all my little boyfriends and have crazy make out sessions with before I even hit some stage of puberty. Sorry Mum. hah!
I started highschool whilst being in my first lesbian relationship.. It was an internet friendship that bloomed to my first love.. She lived 5 hours away but we dated on and off for basically 3 years.. We'd catch trains to each other and stay with each other over school holidays and such.. It ended quite abruptly and my heart was torn to shreds. But I now know hearts mend and people disappear quite easily!
I got quite depressed in highschool but still managed to be that odd child with a cheeky grin who always laughed. I made plenty of friends and I'm pretty sure everyone in ye' ole Gladwrap knew who I was. I did help the community out alot as well.
The day came and I found a new girlfriend.. We dated for about a year.. she scared me a little so I did what any lesbian would do.. and run away.. far far away.. Best idea ever.
But before I ran away it was time for my 18th birthday.. It was pretty crap.. my parents decided to break up on that day and my mum moved to Greece. So I decided the best way to deal was to get wasted.. and by wasted.. i mean.. Holey crap where am I.. what is this stamp from.. why are you in my bed? where are my clothes.. why is my best friend naked on the couch with some random.. and why the fuck can't i stop spewing kinda wasted.. I know you've all been there.. don't judge me. Thanks.
2 days later I packed a bag, my guitar and my TV and moved to Brisbane. The only person who knew was my father. Who so happened had to drive me here. Thanks Dad. That's possibly the best thing he has ever done for me.
So it was 2005 and I was living quite happily in Brisbane. I got a transfer from my KFC in Gladstone to the one in Clayfield and was able to live happily. The week after I moved to Brissie it was a Friday night and my friends decided to take me out to my first ever gay bar.. I wanted to go to the Beat but apparently it was a scary place so they took me to The Wickham.
The Wickham was odd. Lots of men kissing men.. men kissing "women" and pool playing lesbians..  This being such an overwhelming experience since I've never actually been in this environment, I decided to move close to an exit and sit in a dark corner.. To where I was greeted by a middle aged Transvestite called "Pearl". Pearl then introduced herself by cornering me and yelling quite abruptly in my face "HI! I'm Pearl! Do you any pills?" Me being shocked and highly against drugs, I replied with "Umm... I have panadol but.. but that's at home.." Pearl being the diva she was, flicked her hair back and stormed off..
I left The Wickham in a large rush.
That night I agreed to never be cornered by a transvestite in a dark corner of a gay bar ever again.

One week later I decided to bite the bullet and head to The Beat. So without any hesitations I bought a cask of the finest goon drank myself silly and headed to The Beat. I don't know why I did that night but I decided to wear 2 different shoes.. Same type but different colours. It was odd but I was drunk so whatever goes, goes right?
The Beat was amazing girls everywhere. I nearly died. Happy hour drinks, girls, music, dancing, girls, drinks, girls, drinks and toilet breaks. I stayed until the early hours of the morning  and whilst being kicked out the sun was beginning to rise.
Best night out ever, I'd say.. but there was plenty more of those to come. I also endured my first random hook up kiss. She even drove me home. Thanks Merran. We're now actually really close friends. Thanks Mez x.
So with new found friends and a new found love of The Beat I started partying every weekend. The hangovers suck and the "coyote uglies" sucked more but you know.. it was an experience.
I started hanging out a heap at Open Doors as well. Which is a GLBT youth centre. We would meet there every Wednesday for drop in, and hang out with other homos, bisexuals and trans kids. This place soon became my ultimate hangout spot besides The Beat. I also met girlfriend #3. She was a couple of years younger then me but we still found lust. Becoming street punks, drinking beer, flipping the bird to coppers and being drunk in the city was the thing we did best. We were together for a year.. We even had our very own studio appartment. We also had a very messy break up. But alas. Hearts mend.
I was living in the Valley at this stage and started partying alot. Punk gig after punk gig, beer after beer.. then work.
I thought I was living the high life.. well I was. Except I wasn't a rockstar of any sort. One can dream though yeah. So I moved from the Valley and moved into an appartment with a couple of friends. This place shares some amazing memories and drunken escapades.
Like walking to the pub and being to drunk to get home after kareoke and getting a taxi.. the taxi would cost $5.30 to get home with a flagfall of $5.00.. We used to love annoying the cab drivers. Sorry guys but we were way wasted.
Within all this partying and frequently visiting the Valley I got girlfriend #4. We were together for 2.5 years and developed a little life together. The girl is now actually the housemate to whom we try and kill each other. Our times were very rough and odd and typical lesbian relationship like. If you have no idea what a lesbian relationship is like Youtube *The big gay sketch show - lesbian speed dating* this will kind of show you what it's like being a lesbian without having to go through it.
We grew apart and I packed my stuff and decided to move to the Gold Coast. I have no idea why but all I know is that one of my dearest most close friends was there and let me camp on the floor in her room. She mended my wounds and gave me amazing spoons and I will always treasure her. Okay fuck it. I love you Tenn. Thank you for everything. Even the herpes. shit.. maybe not the herpes.. okay i'm lying. I am actually herpes free.
I guess the best thing about living on the Coast of Gold was that I lived on the beach. Many nights were spent out there with my guitar writing music and singing to the sea and or serenading the junkies hiding in the bush looking for needles.
Here I found some more amazing friends. People I will always keep close to my heart.. I also found The Bedroom Nightclub.. Which had ladies night on Thursday nights. Do you know what this means? no? want me to tell you? ok ok.. here goes..
Free mother fucking drinks. FREE DRINKS! ALL NIGHT! and the bar chicks were HOT.. like not just hot. but like HOT! like "I am.. getting so hot, I'm going to take my clothes off" hot.. Seriously.. Hot. Especially Bec.. I think that's her name.. Shit sorry I'm getting sidetracked.. So yeah.. free drink Thursdays. It was a straight bar so we would conjure up a heap of dykes head there, get wasted then head to MP's which was the local gay club there. We would party til the morning then figure out ways to get home. It was quite fun. These times I will never forget.
I also met Girlfriend #5. She to was a little younger then me, but we partied hard. Good times.. We grew apart and besides all the party times my health had hit a low. We grew apart.. But hey.. Hearts heal. I moved back to Brisbane as it was a trek to get to work for the GC..

So here I am.. sitting on my couch which I'm afraid to relax on because I'm scared of falling through the couch as it is that old.
It's 8 days before my 23rd Birthday. I've met some amazing people and discovered some awesome freaking porn. I've gone to the best gigs and partied with the best. There is also someone here I'm holding so close to my heart. Also close friends are locked away in my heart because they've been there for me through the most. I very much love you all. You know the medical dramas and have supported me. Seen my arse crack, helped me pee when I couldn't even get out of my hospital bed, kissed my scars and held me when I've felt like falling. For this I thank you. You're the reason I'm here today.

I'll also start a photo blog. There you'll see how I became me.

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